Laughter is good for the soul!
1. Practice making fax and modem noises.
2. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a “spider person.”
3. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
4. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with the prophesy.”
5. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
6. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
7. Speak only in a “robot” voice.
8. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will “swipe your grub”.
10. Pretend your computer’s mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
11. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”
14. Name your dog “Dog.”
15. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles
16. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think.”
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your “astronaut training.”
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for “violating your airspace”.
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a “real hoot.”
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as “Feliz Navidad” outside of Christmas and New Years.
22. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your “imaginary friend.”
23. Pretend your name is Cletus-Atkins-Wheatherby-Percival-Smith, and don’t answer to anything else.
1. Two muffins are in the oven, one of them says to the other one, “is it getting hot in here?” The other one screams “Ahh! a talking muffin”!
2. Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.